Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
