I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
