I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
