Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize