I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
