i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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