My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
