I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
