she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
