That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
