that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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