I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
