Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize