The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
