I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
