party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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