I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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