I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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