Christians are straight up FREAKS
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
