i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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