I want to have your abortion
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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