A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
