god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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