is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize