So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
