before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
