I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
