so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
someone threw a dead crab at me
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize