she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
