If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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