I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize