hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
