And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
