Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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