I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
