I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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