I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
