He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
