i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
