'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
soo... how was my night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize