what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
