is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
