You smell like a Billy Joel song
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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