I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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