I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
