I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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