Pants 0. Shit 1.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
