just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
