90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I touched a dick in church today
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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