Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
