you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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