The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
