I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
