I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
