You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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