The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
