I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
