The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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