Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
