I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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