smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
