FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
