Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
