Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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