me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just gargled with NyQuil
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
