So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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