I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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