eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
