The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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