we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
