Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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