Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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