I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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