A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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